I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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