Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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