I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
