you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize