THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
