He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
