he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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