We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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