1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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