there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
