omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
