tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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