think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
