Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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