Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize