i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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