Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
