I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think i have two assholes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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