u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize