I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
