we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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