So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
