i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
