My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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