I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
