made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize