if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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