Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
