I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
