I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize