I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
