It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
