U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
