So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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