There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
