You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
