Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
