and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
