i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
