I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
