when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize