i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
