before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
