I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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