You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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