Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
