I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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