What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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