I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
