I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
