U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
