I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
how does that bad decision feel?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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