I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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