just come out here and I will go home with you...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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