I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
