Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
