we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize