ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I won the penis lottery.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
