You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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