It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
