went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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