Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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