I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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