you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
