Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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