i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
