I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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