I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
