I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
