Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
